


Alone

by Melime



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Porn, Episode: s03e15 How the Riddler Got His Name, Guilt, Hallucinations, M/M, Sad Ending, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 02:08:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10754538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: “Enough!” Ed yelled, hitting the desk in an attempt to remind himself of what was real. He didn’t want this mockery of Oswald, he wanted his best friend back, wanted what they had before and more, wanted to undo his actions and Oswald’s.But the show didn’t stop. Oswald didn’t even flinch, as if unbothered by his interruption.Ed is forced by his hallucination to face his feelings for Oswald.





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Sozinho](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10754550) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



> All the compliments in the world to [Alfer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/alfer), who was cheerleader, beta, and even helped in the translation.
> 
> I don't usually venture into smut, but this scene inspired me too much, I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.
> 
> As anyone who watched the episode knows, the song is Wake Up Alone by Amy Winehouse.

The matter was settled, there was nothing Oswald could say or do to stop him. This was always the case, Ed reminded himself, because Oswald was dead and the man in front of him would disappear as soon as the effect of the drug wore off. It was important that he kept that in mind. No matter how much he missed Oswald, this drug-induced hallucination was all that was left of him.

He went to fix his jacket, turning his head down for a moment, when his vision was flooded by red light. He stared at where Oswald had been, then further away, to the source of the light. Oswald was standing with his back to him, but he didn’t look like he did a moment before, like he looked every time he appeared since Ed… The dripping wet and dead look had been replaced by beautiful formal clothes, and was that music Ed was hearing?

“What are you doing?” he asked, unsure as to how to interpret this. None of his hallucinations had ever acted in this way, changing so much of the world around him to retain his attention.

Oswald didn’t respond, instead turning to him. “ _He’s fierce in my dreams, seizing my guts_.”

Ed couldn’t believe this, was Oswald singing? Ed tried to question him again, but he couldn’t get the words out.

The entire world flipped upside down, if only for a second. What was wrong with his vision? It was as if he was running an old film through a projector. Projector, Oswald was a mere projection of his mind. Ed rubbed his eyes, pressing his fingers on them until they hurt, then took off his glasses as they were in the way, continuing to rub his eyes as if that would make reality come back into focus.

“ _He floats me with dread_.”

Still, he could see Oswald clearly, despite their distance. Of course a hallucination wouldn’t be disturbed by the lack of glasses. He could see Oswald as clearly as if he was standing mere inches away from him, his face clear of the previous green undertones, instead with a delicate make-up, so unlike the one Oswald used while still alive. Oswald seemed to know where his focus was—and of course he knew, he was in his head—giving Ed a seductive look, the movement of his jaw bringing attention to his mouth, and Ed didn’t think about how it would be like to kiss him, couldn’t think of that, wouldn't dare. He never tried touching this Oswald, too afraid of not being able to touch him, of passing right through him.

“ _Soaked in soul_.”

Ed’s focus was entirely on Oswald, his breath heavy as he tried to keep himself under control, tightening the grip on his glasses. Without thinking, he lowered his left hand to cup his erection.

“ _He swims in my eyes_...” Oswald stroked the top hat seductively, maintaining eye contact with Ed, “ _by the bed_.”

Oh, dear, the way Oswald was looking at him. Ed never understood the expression ‘bedroom eyes’ until then, but there was no other way to describe how Oswald was looking at him, as if begging him to cross the distance of the room and take him. Ed stopped the hand stroking his cock, suddenly realizing the way his body was reacting to Oswald, to this idea of Oswald. He slapped himself across the face, trying to regain some control, but it was only more arousing.

“ _Pour myself over him_.”

Ed put his glasses back on, his breath heavy as he tried and failed to deny to himself the effect Oswald had on him. He couldn’t force himself to make Oswald stop, as if he was hypnotized by the show in front of him. Oswald turned his face to the side, and Ed devoured him with his eyes, wanting to rip open that collar so Ed could get more of that long and pale neck.

Knowing what he was thinking, Oswald raised his chin, exposing his neck further. Ed couldn’t even blink, his lips trembling as he pictured himself sinking his teeth against the sensitive skin, marking Oswald, _possessing_ him.

“ _Moon spilling in_.”

Oswald looked almost vulnerable, like an offering waiting to be plucked or tossed, all seduction, his expression open and inviting, waiting to be taken or rejected and this time Ed wouldn’t reject him, he couldn’t reject him again.

“ _And I wake up_...” Oswald made a show of putting on the top hat, giving more emphasis to his words, allowing the final word to hang on for longer, “ _alone_.”

And that was exactly the problem, wasn’t it? Ed was alone, Oswald was the only one, the only one who truly saw him for who he was, who he could be, and now he was gone and nothing could bring him back. This was nothing more than postponing the inevitable goodbye, he rejected Oswald at every turn and now it was too late, he wouldn’t have another chance.

“Enough!” Ed yelled, hitting the desk in an attempt to remind himself of what was real. He didn’t want this mockery of Oswald, he wanted his best friend back, wanted what they had before and more, wanted to undo his actions and Oswald’s.

But the show didn’t stop. Oswald didn’t even flinch, as if unbothered by his interruption.

“ _If I was my heart, I’d rather be restless_.” Oswald fixed his jacket, and started to move seductively towards Ed. “ _The second I stop, the sleep catches up, and I’m breathless_.”

Ed was frozen in place, he couldn’t take his eyes off Oswald, both eagerly anticipating and dreading the moment Oswald would finally hit the desk, thankful to and cursing the barrier between them. “Why are you doing this?” he asked. ‘ _Why are you torturing me like this?_ ’ he didn’t ask, but didn’t need to, Oswald knew what Ed was thinking and that didn’t affect his lascivious look.

“ _‘Cause this ache in my chest. As my day is done now_.” He reached the desk, climbing to sit on it in one fluid movement that wouldn’t have been possible for the real Oswald, keeping his back to Ed. “ _The dark covers me, and I cannot run now_.”

Ed instinctively removed his hands from the desk as Oswald turned, his legs now falling over the edge of the desk, close to Ed.

He understood now, or he thought he did, better than before. The secret he didn’t want to know, but of course this Oswald knew. “It’s me,” Ed said softly, and he didn’t know if he meant he was the one keeping Oswald there, if the song was talking about him, or if he wanted to see Oswald like that, but it didn’t matter, it could be any one or all options, it was an admission.

Oswald’s smile was satisfied now, like he knew he caught Ed in his trap. “ _My blood running cold_.”

Oswald reached a hand to his chest and for a moment Ed feared he would pass through him. Ed shivered as he felt the surprising weight and warmth of Oswald’s gentle caress across his chest.

“Oswald…” he let out softly, giving up all pretense that this wasn’t what he wanted.

“ _I stand before him_.” Oswald grabbed him by the tie, pulling him forward and keeping him there. “ _It’s all I can do to assure him_.”

Ed was close enough to kiss him now, but he wouldn’t dare interrupting the song. He didn’t want this to be over, even though he knew the end had to come soon. Instead, he buried his nose on the curve of Oswald’s neck. Oswald smelled just like Ed remembered, but then again, of course he would.

“ _When he comes to me_.” Oswald’s free hand was on his belt, and Ed almost stopped him, because if Oswald touched him it would all be over too soon. “ _I drip for him tonight_.” Oswald released him from his pants and underwear, but didn’t touch him further, as if he too didn’t want this to be over yet.

Ed couldn’t stand to just watch him anymore, he had to touch him, had to feel him. He kissed the extension of Oswald’s neck frenetically, his hands trying to be everywhere at once, now that he knew he could touch him, that he felt as solid as if the real Oswald was there with him.

“ _Drowning in me, we bathe under blue light_.”

God, he could feel Oswald’s skin vibrating under his lips as he continued to sing. It was all too much. Ed pushed Oswald to lay flat on the desk, to which Oswald responded by promptly wrapping Ed’s waist with his legs to pull him closer, then placing his arms loosely around Ed’s neck.

“Eager, aren’t you?” Oswald asked, his tone mocking but his eyes still inviting.

Ed grabbed him by the hair, tossing aside that top hat that until then stayed in place defying gravity, and finally, _finally_ kissed him. He could still hear the music, the physical manifestation and the voice didn’t need to be connected, but it didn’t matter. All that he cared about was the man under him, rocking his hips to meet his. It felt too good not to be real, even though it wasn’t, and a part of him wouldn’t allow him to forget that. He ignored that part, focusing on opening Oswald’s pants, he need to feel Oswald’s skin on his.

Oswald broke the kiss, placing his hands on either side of Ed’s face and pushing him away, just enough so he could stare him in the eyes. “Will you admit it now?”

Ed just stared at him, not knowing what Oswald wanted of him. How could he still look like this? So beautiful, make-up still impeccable, not a hair out of place, not a hint of sweat. So beautiful, Ed always knew that but couldn’t describe Oswald like that, not even to himself, and yet, now there was nothing he could do to deny this. Oswald was beautiful, and not just like this, as a fantasy conjured up by his subconscious, Oswald had always been beautiful, and Ed wanted him. Ed wanted him so badly he couldn’t even stop his hips from moving, even as Oswald waited for an answer, his expression impassive even as Ed grinded against his hard cock.

“I don’t know what you want from me.” He struggled to get the words out, he could barely think. The disconnection between Oswald’s expression and the way his body reacted under Ed’s was just further reminder that this wasn’t real, that Ed lost his chance of having the real Oswald and now had to settle for this hallucination, that he wasn’t even in control of his own fantasy. This was pleasure and torture, but not in the way he would have wanted.

“I want to help you.”

Ed didn’t have time to respond, because Oswald was kissing him again. Help him with what? It was so hard to concentrate when he was feeling like this. Admit what? That he wanted Oswald? That much couldn’t be hidden anymore, he wanted Oswald since he first saw him, transpiring power and authority in such hostile environment. That killing Oswald killed a part of him? Because that was how he felt, numb, lost, dead inside. That Oswald was right all along? He knew that, had known that from the moment he saw Oswald’s body sink in the dark waters, but Ed did what he had to do, he had to avenge Isabella, no matter how much that costed him. What else was there to admit? What was he holding back? He couldn’t think, couldn’t think, couldn’t think…

“Oswald!” Ed cried out as he came, his release flooding him with all he tried to repress. “I love you, I love you so much, please, don’t go, just stay with me.”

Then Ed fell on the desk, Oswald’s body suddenly gone. Ed blinked, trying to understand what was happening. The hallucination couldn’t be over, he could still hear the notes, although not Oswald’s voice. How could he have been so wrong? Of course he loved Oswald, and Oswald loved him, had loved him, and Ed threw all of that away. Even after Oswald took Isabella away from him and lied to him, Ed still loved him. Even after Ed destroyed his life and took everything from him, Oswald still loved him. But not anymore. Oswald loved him until the moment Ed killed him, and now it was too late for Ed to realize he loved Oswald too.

“See, don’t you feel better for finally admitting this to yourself?”

Ed turned his head, unable to force his body to move up from the desk. Sitting just inches away from him, Oswald was back at his morbid appearance, with his legs crossed, and Ed could feel the droplets falling from Oswald’s body over his. Oswald looked smug, his tone mocking.

Ed refused to respond, turning his head back down. No, he couldn’t do this, not now. Couldn’t his fantasy have lasted just a while longer? Just enough for Ed to know how Oswald would look like coming with Ed’s name on his mouth, just enough so Ed could hold on to Oswald until he fell asleep with Oswald safe in his arms, just enough for Ed to forget this wasn’t real.

Oswald took a piece of algae from his shoulder and tossed on Ed’s neck. “I asked—”

“No.” How could he? He held on to his denial for as long as he could, but now, the full weight of what he had done came crashing down on him.

“Isn’t that a shame? I bet Penguin felt great when he realized he was going to die for you. I bet he thought this would change things, that you would finally see his side. Too bad this came a little too late.”

“Oswald knew I loved him, he said that, he knew even before I knew.” It was a small comfort, but he needed something to hold on to, something to convince himself that there was a silver lining to this realization.

“Wrong. He was afraid to even touch you, but he still tried to, and you slapped his hands away. He probably died thinking that he was wrong, that you never cared for him. Maybe he even thought you only wanted to use him, for his power and his money. Isn’t that a lovely thought? Penguin died alone, by the hand of the man he loved, and now he was forgotten by the city he once controlled. The police isn’t even looking for him, no one cares.”

Ed wouldn’t cry, he couldn’t even do that, he just felt empty. “Why are you doing this?” The fantasy, the sex, and now this attack, the hallucination wasn’t even pretending to be Oswald anymore, it didn’t make sense to him.

He didn’t answer, just giving Ed a final devious smirk before disappearing.

Ed didn’t want to stand up, but he had no choice, or else he would miss his own grand plan.

In the distance, he could still hear Oswald’s voice. Faint, haunting, barely distinguishable.

 _And I wake up alone_...


End file.
